Companionship

We all need companionship in our lives.  Without some experience of companionship our lives can become lonely and sad.  When John Donne said that no man is an island unto himself he was giving expression to the need human beings have to be in relationship.  Of course companionship is much more than being social.  It is the experience of mutual presence.  It is a space where our capacity for life is nourished by others.  It creates the possibility of becoming intimate with someone. This is why the type of relationship we call companionship is one of the most beautiful gifts we can give to each other. 

There are different descriptions of what companionship actually is.  One model is what two people experienced as they travelled from Jerusalem to Emmaus after the death of Jesus.  On their journey they were joined by an apparent stranger who walked with them.  Their relationship with the stranger began with the experience of mutual acceptance and ended with a shared meal.  On the road there was attentive listening and soulful conversation.

This is a good example of what we might call Christian companionship.  Christian companionship has four aspects.  It begins with an attitude of acceptance that is inclusive and that transcends race, colour, religion, class and sexual orientation.  It offers people a listening hear and an opportunity to tell their story.  It allows soulful conversation to develop, the kind of conversation that gives expression to the things that truly matter.  And it includes the experience of a shared meal, which is sometimes referred to as table fellowship.  In fact, the word companion comes from two Latin words ‘cum’ and ‘panis’ which literally mean ‘with bread.’

When we experience companionship in this way we find that the longing within us is satisfied.  The experience of Christian companionship can be the key to unlock our hearts.  It can also open up the teaching of Jesus allowing us to find meaning and life in the Gospel.  It is no wonder that the two people who were accompanied by the Risen Jesus on their journey from Jerusalem to Emmaus found themselves saying, “did not our hearts burn within us as he talked to us on the road and explained the scriptures to us” (Luke 24:32).  

Easter

As Christians, we believe that Jesus rose from the dead on that first Easter Sunday.  He broke the chains of death and rose to a new way of living and loving beyond our wildest imagining.  The resurrection was an earth shattering event, the most important event in human history and it has many implications for us and for the way we live our lives.

One implication of the resurrection is the fact that Jesus is still with us.  The presence and power of the Risen Jesus permeate our lives.  As a consequence of the resurrection Jesus is no longer limited by time and space.  He is present to us and with us at every moment of every day.  He is the invisible companion of our life’s journey.  We do not have to wait for heaven to experience the friendship, the healing, the peace and the joy of the Risen Jesus.  These things are already available to us.  The Risen Jesus is already working in our lives.  He is involved with us here and now.

A second implication of the resurrection has to do with the mission of Jesus.  The resurrection was a vindication of the way Jesus lived his life.  It was a confirmation of the values Jesus practised, preached and died for.  The way of Jesus works. When Jesus was nailed to the cross on Good Friday it seemed as if his mission was a failure, that he was a dreamer who offered the world an unrealistic vision of happiness.  His resurrection changed this, it transformed it.  Jesus was no dreamer.  His values of justice and compassion and service and humility and forgiveness are in fact the only values that work.  His values are the values that make the world a better place and that bring us personal fulfilment.  The resurrection of Jesus was proof that love is stronger than hate, goodness is greater than evil and life is more powerful than death. 

Of course another implication of the resurrection is that our death is not the end.  What happened to Jesus on Easter Sunday will happen to us.  We will share in the risen life of Jesus when we die.  Because of the resurrection of Jesus we have a life to look forward to beyond the grave.  Because of the resurrection of Jesus a new world will be opened up to us on the other side of death.  Because Jesus rose from the dead the place we call heaven is our destiny, our destination, our future home.  Indeed, in the words of St Paul, it is our true home.  For those who believe in Jesus and in the power of his resurrection the future is bright because the best is yet to come.  As someone has said, “It belongs to the Christian to hope.”

Why Did Jesus Die?

During Holy Week one of the questions we are invited to ask ourselves is this: Why did Jesus choose to suffer and die?  Invited by his Father to take the road to Calvary Jesus responded generously. But why did he say ‘yes’ to such pain and agony?  Let me suggest three things that motivated him.

Firstly Love. “A man can have no greater love than to lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).  Jesus believed in the power of love; he lived by the power of love.  He knew that love was the greatest power of all and that the fullest and most complete expression of love is the sacrifice of one’s life.  As Jesus hung on the cross a love flowed out from him that had the power to change hearts, heal wounds, reconcile divisions, transform lives and break the chains of death.  It is the power of love that is now communicated to us through the Holy Spirit.  St John puts it well. “This is the love I mean, not our love for God, but God’s love for us when he sent his Son to be the sacrifice that takes away our sins” (1John 4:10). If the death of Jesus on the cross could be expressed in words, these words would be, ‘I love you.’

Secondly Compassion.  Compassion is the ability to enter into the passion of others.  It is solidarity with human weakness and vulnerability.  The point where human beings are most vulnerable and powerless is death. By experiencing death Jesus experienced human nature at its weakest place.  This makes him compassionate in the fullest possible way.  For, “Though he was in the form of God Jesus did not count his equality with God, but emptied himself to assume the condition of a slave, and being as all men are he humbled himself to accept death, death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8).  Most people fear death.  To know that Jesus has been there before us is surely a source of courage and comfort.

Thirdly Service.  “The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).  Jesus suffered and died as an act of service on behalf of humankind.  Through his suffering and death he did something for humanity that humanity could not do for itself.  This can best be described as liberation: to free our humanity from the oppression of evil and death.  The death of Jesus as an act of service is symbolised by the washing of the disciples’ feet at the Last Supper.  Washing feet was a gesture the disciples were familiar with and had no problem understanding.  Jesus used this humble act of service to help his disciples comprehend the motive for his suffering and death.  He is the Servant King who sacrifices himself for the good of his people.

Love, compassion and service are reasons why Jesus chose to suffer and die.  We are extremely grateful to him for the choice that he made.

The Road to Jerusalem

Following Jesus is a demanding business especially if we are to take it seriously.  It involves taking the road to Jerusalem, along with Jesus himself.  Jerusalem is the city where Jesus suffered, died and rose to new life.  It is a place of sacrifice and reward, of pain and joy, of failure and triumph, of agony and ecstasy.  It represents the Christian life.  But what does taking the road to Jerusalem actually mean in practice?

It means that we refuse to build our lives around material possessions.  Material possessions have their place but they must be kept in their place.  It is our relationship with God that is the true source of our satisfaction and security not what we own.  Our relationship with God cannot be destroyed. It is eternal.

It means that we stop living in the past.  Dwelling on old memories and hurts keeps us tied to the past and trapped in a prison of regret and anger.  It belongs to the Christian to hope. Jesus is leading us forward in hope to a better and brighter future.  In Jerusalem the tomb is empty.

It means that we stop making excuses for ourselves and for our lack of ability and talent.  Of course we are limited; yes we have weaknesses.  The Christian community is full of misfits!  The people Jesus chose to bring his good news to the world were a pretty motley bunch!  Jesus is not looking for perfection; neither does he expect us to be geniuses. All he seeks is our generosity and enthusiasm.  What Jesus wants is what we call heart. Heart is the kind of thing that on the sports field often makes the difference between failure and success.

Finally, it means that when it comes to making choices we put the cause of Jesus, the mission of Jesus, the work of Jesus, first.  In the way we choose to live our lives the values of Jesus, known as Kingdom values, must come before earthly values.

During Lent our Christian lives take on a greater urgency.  It is the time when we are invited to travel with Jesus on the road to Jerusalem.

Enough

I know a retired businessman who lives in Ireland.  He told me that about two years before the collapse of the economic boom known as the Celtic Tiger he said to himself, ‘I do not need to make by business any bigger. I do not need to take any more risks.  I am content with what I have.  I have enough.’ He said that it was this decision to accept that he had enough which saved his business when the downturn came and which ensured that he had some financial security in his retirement.

In the scriptures on the first Sunday of Lent we hear the story of what is referred to as the fall.  Adam and Eve were not able to say, ‘We have enough.’  Even though they were surrounded by beauty, were at peace with themselves and one another and experienced friendship with God, they still wanted more.  They wanted to be like God, they wanted to have the knowledge and the power of God.  Because they were not willing to accept their humanity, Adam and Eve ended up losing the harmony and intimacy they had enjoyed.

In the scriptures on the first Sunday of Lent we also hear the account of the temptations of Jesus in the desert.  The devil offered Jesus possessions, power and popularity as a programme for happiness. Unlike Adam and Eve, Jesus was able to say to the devil, ‘I have enough.  I am the Father’s beloved Son.  I have my belovedness. I do not need to build my life around accumulation, achievement and the approval of others. I do not need to get my value from these things, nor do I need to be defined by them.’

During the season of Lent we are offered an opportunity to say, ‘I have enough.  I have enough material possessions.  I have enough power.  I have enough popularity.’  In fact, Lent invites us to let go of the control that accumulation, achievement and the need for human approval can have over us.  The truth is we are not what we have, we are not what we do and we are not what other people think of us. We are God’s beloved sons and daughters and the Father takes delight in us.  Jesus knew who he was. Do we?  Jesus was able to say, ‘I have enough.’  Can we?

Three Things that Matter

It is no secret that the religion of Jesus can be summed up in the word love.  In his Sermon on the Mount, he focuses on three things which could be described as a practical programme to help us grow in love.  These are the three things the Christian Churches invite its members to practise in earnest each year during the season of Lent.  They could be described as the non-negotiable essentials of the Christian religion.  They are prayer, almsgiving and fasting.   

“When you pray, go to your private room, close the door, and pray to your Father who is in that secret place” (Matt 6:6).  What a beautiful and accessible description of the activity of prayer.  Spend time on your own with your Father. During this time thank him for his active presence in your life and for looking after you.  Talk to him in a personal way about what is happening in your inner and outer world.  Ask him for the things you need, especially the things you need to help you develop a loving heart.  And, perhaps most importantly of all, hear him tell you that he loves you unconditionally, as you are.  For Jesus prayer is nothing more and nothing less than our personal act of surrender to the Father, to the Father’s love, to his help, to his healing.   

Perhaps the thing we most associate with Lent is fasting.  Jesus understood the value of fasting and promoted it in his teaching.  He knew there is a tendency in human nature towards attachment and addiction that is not healthy and balanced. Jesus wants us to keep our hearts mellow and grateful.  To keep our hearts mellow and grateful it is not enough to give up things like sweets and alcohol. We need to control our desire for possessions, power and popularity. As Jesus himself discovered during his retreat in the desert these are potent demons in the human heart that need to be tamed. Fasting is unfashionable today.  Yet never has it been so necessary.  In the so-called first world which is mainly nominally Christian we are now the most indebted, obese, addicted and medicated generation in history.  Jesus’ teaching on fasting has the power to improve our health, our relationships and our environment.   

The third thing the Lenten season invites us to practise is almsgiving.  Jesus insisted that we care for those in need and that we do this without looking for a reward. We can look at almsgiving in the specific sense of offering practical help to those who are hungry or homeless or without clothes. But we also need to look at it in the much broader sense of our attitude to life.  Our lives are not just about ourselves and our own needs.  Our lives are for others too.  When we serve others, we are making a difference to their lives. We are also making a difference to our own.  It is a truth that unless and until we give our lives away to others, we do not have them ourselves at any deep level. 

Prayer, fasting and almsgiving are certainly three things that matter.

Double Gaze

There are two ways of seeing.  These can be described as the first gaze and the second gaze.  The first gaze is influenced by the false self.  The second gaze comes out of the true self.  Our task as we journey through life is to move from the first gaze to the second gaze.

Most of us tend to see with the first gaze most of the time.  The first gaze is my default way of seeing myself and others.  It is also the way the culture in which I live tends to see me.  My first gaze is a reaction to my feelings of inadequacy.  I feel I am not good enough.  And if I am not good enough then others are not good enough either.  It is my feelings of inadequacy that make me defensive and fearful and competitive and judgemental and controlling and anxious.  Because of my low self-worth I need to accumulate and achieve in order to feel good about myself.  I also constantly seek the approval of others.  If I see myself in a negative way then I will see others in a negative way. I will also see the things that happen in the world in a negative way.

The second gaze is the way God sees. The second gaze sees me, other people and creation as good and loveable.  In the second gaze I am always worthy of love and belonging.  And so are others.  When I know that I am worthy of love and belonging, I am open and trusting and cooperative and inclusive. I am also able to take the risk of standing ‘undefended.’ 

So how do we develop this second gaze?  Well, one thing that can help us develop it is what we call contemplative practice.  What is contemplative practice? Contemplative practice is a way of sitting in silence that allows me to listen, to receive, to let myself be loved as I am, to accept the gift of my belovedness which has, in fact, already been given to me.  Contemplative practice enables me to see myself the way God see me – with love and tenderness.  Perhaps the best fruit of contemplative practice is compassion.  Through contemplative practice I am able to gaze on myself, others and the world with a compassionate heart.

Even though we long for the second gaze we tend to settle for the first one. This is because of the power of our wounds, especially the wound of conditional love.  Moving from the first gaze to the second gaze involves facing up to my false self which was actually created by the wound of conditional love.  This can be a difficult and demanding process.  For many of us it takes a crisis, especially a mid-life crisis, to make us finally accept that we are finding our value in what we have, in what we do and in what other people think of us.  At some point in our lives, we need to stop defining ourselves by our possessions, by our achievements, by our reputation but instead to find our value within, in our true self, in our belovedness.  The truth is we are not going to move into the freedom of the second gaze unless and until we stop searching for happiness in the wrong places.   

Candles

Traditionally the second day of February has been called Candlemas.  It seems that with ever-lengthening days by early February people used one less candle to light the household at night. 

In the past candles were essential sources of light during the hours of darkness.  Today candles, though not as essential, are still popular.  They are used for decoration, but also to create atmosphere.  In the Christian tradition candles have always been used as an important symbol of faith.  The candle is a simple reminder that Jesus rose from the darkness of death, that he is alive as our risen Lord and that he is constantly present with us lighting our way to our Father’s house.  The candle is also a symbol of our baptism.  When we were baptised, we were received into the glow and warmth of God’s love and became followers of Jesus. 

Of course, in the Christian tradition candles are used as aids to prayer.  They help us express to God what is going on in our hearts.  When we light a candle at a shrine in a church we are placing a personal intention, something dear to us, into God’s care and protection.  What is more, we are also making an offering of ourselves and our daily activities to God.   

The symbolism of using a candle as an offering of our lives to God is powerfully significant.  It suggests that our offering creates light.  This is what happened at the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple which we recall each year on 2nd February.  When Mary and Joseph offered Jesus to the Father they were told that the offering they were making would become the light not just of their own lives but of the whole world.  The old man Simeon made this prophecy: “My eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared for all the nations to see, a light to enlighten the gentiles and the glory of your people Israel” (Luke 2:30). 

Both the flame of a tiny candle and the words of Simeon are reminders to us that every gift of ourselves, every act of generosity, every sacrifice we make creates light, a light which lights up the darkness in our world, a light the darkness cannot overcome.  It is indeed much better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. 

The Journey of Life

Nowadays it is not uncommon to hear life being referred to as a journey. A journey is indeed a good image, a helpful image, to describe the pattern of our lives. It is also a good image to reflect on as we head into another new year.

Before we set out on a journey we need to do a few things. Firstly, we need to choose our destination, our journey’s end. Secondly, we need to find the route that will take us to our destination, the best road to travel. Finally, we must decide what we need for our journey, what it is that will help us to get to where we want to go.

The journey of life is similar. It too needs a destination. It is important to name what it is we want out of life. If we do not know what we want from life we may end up drifting along aimlessly, without a focus. At the end of our lives we would surely like to be able to say that we achieved our goals and fulfilled our dreams.

Then we need to choose a good road to take us to our destination. Is the road we choose a sure road, a safe road? Is it well signposted? Does it provide opportunities for meeting people and experiencing companionship? Does it allow us to view the scenery on the way, to appreciate the good things we have and to notice the beauty around us? Or is it like a motorway, fast, efficient, competitive and monotonous?

Finally, we must decide what we need for our journey. Do we need other people? Do we need God? Do we need the love, support and strength of the three F’s – family, friends and faith? Or do we prefer to go it alone, to travel by ourselves, to depend mainly on our own resources?

I have a small poster in my living room which says, “Happiness is not a destination; it is a way of life.” Those who walk the Camino across the north of Spain to Santiago de Compostela say that what happens to them while they are walking the road is as important as what happens when they get to Compostela. The way we travel the road of life is just as significant as getting to the destination we have set for ourselves. So, let’s slow down, let’s enjoy the ride. Let’s savour the host of opportunities that come our way. God is present in the here and now waiting and wanting to be recognised and known. What we used to call ‘the sacrament of the present moment’ has indeed something to teach us about the journey of life.